Don’t Let Those Who Discourage, Disable You

September 26, 2013

In the time I have been alive on this planet (all 23 years, 11 months and 9 days) I have met thousands of beautiful, wonderful, sweet people. People who have helped me, changed me and helped make me the person I am. These people I am always grateful for. But I have also run into some people who just darken the day, and are set out to make you just as miserable as they are. And I won’t sit here and tell you that you just have to “ignore them” or “what they say doesn’t matter.” Because, in reality we all know to well that even the strangest of strangers can hurt us to our core. They can say one thing, and even when it’s not true and we know it, even if it’s something so small and silly, we take it full on to heart. This has happened to me time, and time again. It happens to every single one of us.

In fact, this happened to me TODAY. Another photographer in a forum online told me, “you are a blithering idiot and have no place in this profession,” and he said this because I was being compassionate, forgiving and showing humility towards another photographer in the industry who made a big professional and potentially legal no-no. Another photographer chimed in and made a remark about how poorly I must run my business. On a typical day I would have looked at that, shaken my head, laughed a little and said a prayer for them. But today, today I had already had a lot on my mind. Today, I was already upset. So today, I looked at it, read it again and my heart sunk and I cried. I was mad at myself for caring and mad that others didn’t value respect and forgiveness the way I do.

But that’s the thing. We don’t all see eye to eye and we most certainly do not all have the same values. And we cannot change how one another feels, thinks or behaves. So the question is, “how do we handle the hurt and discouragement?” I’m no pro so take my recommendations with a grain of salt, but these are the things I do to beat those people and those moments:

1.) Realize all the things you have that are good in your life. Think about them. And think about them again. It seems like something you already know, but you really need to know it. And you need to think about them not just when someone hurts you, or your just in a bad mood, try and think about them every day.

2.)  Cry it out, yell it out, LET IT OUT. But don’t do it publicly. Maybe yell into a pillow, or vent to a close friend. But just releasing the emotions does wonders.

3.) Say out loud 5 good things about yourself. I don’t care how badly you feel, there are at least five nice, wonderful, positive things about you and you need to recite them, and yes out loud, not in your head. You need to hear the words being said, and by you.

4.) As hard as it is not to, DON’T RESPOND. If you already have, stop right there. Don’t say another word. Don’t post that comment, send that message, or take that call. I know it’s all nonsense and I know it’s mean, but don’t say a word. That’s what they want you to do, fight, defend so they can find more negative to say.

5.) LOVE YOURSELF. No, you’re not perfect. Yes, you make mistakes. But whatever/whoever has upset you, well it doesn’t really matter (yes I know we went over how this doesn’t really help lol). But it sure is true. You work hard, and you do the best you can. Fill yourself up with love and appreciation for Y-O-U! Now go do something good for yourself, a guilty pleasure tv show, a bath, a glass of wine, dance around your house in your pajamas to music you wouldn’t be caught dead listening to in public 😉 Just “do you” as they say these days.

And with all that said, after how rough today has been for me. I am off to have a nice glass of wine outside and watch my dogs chase each other around the yard.

Lots of love!

Nicole

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